Redneck Book of Manners General Tips
1) Never take a beer to a job interview
2) Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them
3) It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church
4) If you have to vacuum your bed, it is time to change the sheets
5) Even you're certain you're included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-haul
truck to the funeral home
1) If drinking from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label
2) Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor, as the restaurant may not have dogs
3) When decanting wine, make sure you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so not to "bruise"
the fruit of the wine
Entertaining in Your Home
1) A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a Taxidermist
2) Do not allow the Dog to eat from the table - no matter how good his manners are
1) While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private,
using one's OWN truck keys
2) Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However if you live
alone deodorant is a waste of money
3) Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they detrack from a woman's
jewelry, and alter the taste of finger food
Dating ( outside the family )
1) Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date
2) Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested "I've been looking to go out with you since
I read that stuff on the bathroom wall, at the bar"
3) Establish with her parents what time she is due back. Some might say 10:00pm, some
might say 'Monday'. If the latter is the answer, it is the responsibility of the man, to get her
to school on time
4) Always have a positive comment about your dates appearance, such as, "Ya sure don't
sweat much for a fat gal"
5) Remember, the buffet food should be consumed on the premises and not for your
personal takeout for tomorrow's dinner.
6) It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
1) Crying babies should be taken to the lobby, and picked up immediately after the movie is over
2) Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you
1) Livestock is usually a poor choice as a wedding gift
2) Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds, can get you shot
3) For the groom at least, rent a tux. A liesure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling
shirt can create a tacky appearance
4) Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion
1) Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
2) When approaching a 4way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires has the right of way
3) Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape
4) When you send your wife down the road with a gas can, it's impolite to ask her bring back
5) Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession
6) Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving
TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER:
1) All the DNA is the same.
2) There are no dental records
3.) Same evidence: Murderer was last seen leaving the crime scene in a beat up pickup truck.
Pictures are from website of: http://redneck.cheezburger.com/
|Redneck Book of Manners General Tips
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