Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix
one – reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in jobs.

After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form called a “GRIPE SHEET” which tells mechanics
about problems with the aircraft.  The mechanics correct the problems, document their
repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheet before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas pilots,
marked with a
“P”.  And the solutions recorded, marked with an “S”, by maintenance

By the was, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident

P :  Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
S :  Almost replaced left inside main tire

P :  Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough
S :  Auto-land not installed on this aircraft

P :  Something loose in cockpit
S :  Something tightened in cockpit

P :  Dead bugs on windshield
S :  Live bugs on backorder

P :  Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fee per minute descent
S :  Cannot reproduce problem on groung

P :  Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
S :  Evidence removed

P :  DME volume unbelievably loud
S :  DME volume set to more believable level

P :  Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
S :  That’s what they’re for

P :  IFF inoperative
S :  IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

P :  Suspected crack in windshield
S :  Suspect you’re right

P :  Number 3 engine missing
S :  Engine found on right wing after brief search

P :  Aircraft handles funny
S :  Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious

P :  Target radar hums
S :  Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics

P :  Mouse in cockpit
S :  Cat installed

P :  Noise coming from under instrument panel.  Sounds like a midget pounding on
something with a hammer
S :  Took hammer away from midget

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